Enough with the broken back already!

So..... I've despite all that I have been through with this little back of mine, in the last couple of weeks, I have tried to take on the 'be positive and you will feel positive' approach.

Today - it's just not working!

On October 10th I was in a hurry to get the girls some new clothes for school when I flew down the wooden stairs, missing one and landing just below the center of my back on the step behind me.  Yes, there were lots of choice colorful words, lots of tears, and about :30 minutes of time to get off the floor.

Two ER visits and lots of pain later - I had broken the transverse processes of the first four lumbar vertebrae of mine.  Wow, really? I broke my back? Are you sure?  What now???  What about my job? My active kids? My triathlon career?  MY LIFE????

The right side trauma led to a whole cascade of trauma on an already herniated left side of my spine, plagued with SI joint disfunction and about 2 years of sciatia so bad I was sure that the bones of my lower legs were broken.  Am I going to have to live like this forever? Are there options for treatment? Is the pain ever going to go away????

Yes, if you find an awesome anesthesiologist names Dr. Pulai, he will conduct an RFA on your left side to get ride of the constant sciatia.  And all of a sudden, three weeks post procedure, I am pain free for the first time in 2 years...... had I only known before I did my last Ironman when all of these issues began.....

But the stabbing pains still exist in the right lumbar spot of my back.  By the end of the day of teaching 5 classes and walking across most of campus.... I am suffering.  And so I turned to the internet:

            "Transverse process fractures are rare, they typically do not require surgical intervention, however, they can be exceedingly painful and take significant periods of time to heal because of the massive muscles attached to the bone."

Well, awesome, sign me right up.

So here I am, 15 weeks post fall/break of back, and my vertebrae are still broken.  The right side of my back is still exceedingly painful.  And I don't have any answers about the hows or whens of doing things.  (Unfortunately the researcher in me has already pounded the medical journals for answers. Some say rest and wear a brace, some say you can resume activity 4 weeks post injury to tolerance because the bones will never re-fuse, some say to be pain free before returning to activity.....).  I will get through this. It sucks.  The mental scope of realizing that I honestly may never run or bike again at the level I had before is killing me.  Feeling like I can't keep up with the kids at the end of an energetic day is devastating.  I hope that I can compete again, I miss it dearly. But it is far more than that - it's going through a day of my life not feeling that someone is stabbing me in the back; it's saying yes to skating or sledding or pig piling on mommy.

This is just a hiccup in general scheme of things, and I will get through it.  I will get to be active again... maybe not tomorrow or the next day - but someday. I just have to have the mental strength to get me through the days like these (I already have an amazing wife and three kids who keep me motivated!).

Moments to always remember....

This is a snowman kit.  Some of you have seen it before, a nifty little plastic container shaped like a clear snowman who's inside contents are that of everything you may need to decorate your finished lump of packed snow.  The perfect sized plastic carrot for the nose, 8 or 9 large black buttons for eyes or buttons, a scarf to keep him warm (or maybe colder, warm would be bad), and even the perfect pipe.  The ABC's were blessed enough to get three of these kits this year from Auntie Terri and Auntie Kris, each with a different colored scarf tied to the outside, perfect for knowing who's was who's. 

So here it was, the third day of January, and the "Big First Snow Storm of the Year" had finally stopped dropping the powdery white stuff early enough that morning for everyone to go and play.  Oh, of course school was cancelled (it's not like we live out west where the trudge through everything).  Two of the girls from down the street asked to come up and sled on the little bump of a hill in our front yard, so we had 5 little snow bunnies outside while Mama was in her glory snow-blowing the driveway.  It took about 20 minutes before the three 5 year olds wanted to come in (it was, after all, only about 10 degrees out).  Cassie and her friend Kyra, however, remained outside in pure heaven.

After about 5 minutes both girls popped their heads in the front door and said they were 'thirsty,'' so I supplied them with a cup of water as they stood on the front rug.  "Mom, can we take our water outside?  We might be more thirsty?"  Sure, whatever you need, put them on the porch, just go it quickly and shut the door, its flipping cold out!

It took about 15 minutes before both girls returned.  "We drank all of our water, can we have some more?" More water and out the door.  (settle the three 5 year olds with something that all three of them can do).  

And Cassie and Kyra return again rather quickly this time.  Cassie pipe's up, "Uh, mom, I think we have a problem.  You see, we wanted to make a snowman.  So we asked Mama, but she said that the snow was too powdery, it needed to be wetter.  So we took the snowman kit and added some snow and then added our water to it, because the snow is to powdery.  But now we can't get our snowman out."

And now, as a parent, you need to explain to your young child the purpose of a 'snowman kit' with a straight face despite wanting to burst into pant wetting laughter.  "oh my dear ladies," I replied, "The snowman kit was not intended to make you a snowman if you added snow to it.  The container is filled with all of the things you need to decorate a snowman AFTER you have made one, by rolling large balls in the yard.  I am so sorry you though that this would allow you to add snow and have a snowman pop out of it."  

Yes, there were two very disturbed faces.  And a third twisted face that was still trying very hard to contain the humor of the issue.  "Oh, okay.  but the snow isn't right." was Cassie's response with a sad face.  Kyra whispered to her.  Suddenly they both thrust their cups at me and in unison said "Can we have some more water???"  "Um, no, you may not pour water all over the snow in our entire front yard so that you can make a snowman.  There will be more snow storms this season, and lots of snowman making.  Go hop back on your sleds for a while."  

Paaaauuuuusssseeeeee 

"Okay!" They piled out the door.  

The Family Tree

It's a two post kind of day - this is a short one.

Cassie had to complete a project for school over winter break, to compose her 'family tree.'  This could be as detailed as she wanted it to be, in any format that she wanted it to be, and go back as far as we could - without driving the mom's nuts.

Now, I know that I am lucky enough to have an Uncle Randy who did our genealogy back generations, but I wanted to go back as far as Cassie could remember.  So for my family history we decided to go as far back as we could based on who Cassie may have seen in my own family albums.

On Dawn's side, we were lucky enough to have Mimi's help to get us back one generation further than on my side, showing Cassie just how far back a family tree can go.

In the end, Cassie wrote our the entire thing herself, writing names in green, to fee like the free, and her name and our names in brown to be like the trunk (I supposed we should have added the twins, but it was her project...).  We found some cool leafy decorations in my scrapping supplies to spruce it up a bit.

We are VERY proud of her final project, it was turned in yesterday:

What Comes Home in the Folder.....

The dreaded noted came home yesterday from Cassie's class - "a student in your class has lice."  Personally, it was like a total freak out moment for me.  I've heard all of the horror stories.  The painstaking process of getting rid of every nit, of cleaning every sheet, blanket, pillow case and article of clothing; the bagging of every stuffed item your children own..... and then the hair - oh dear, the hair.  Brooklyn's hair is so long, it would put me into orbit to have to comb the solution through it.  The sheer though of this freaks me out!

No worries - we have defense - a special leave in conditioner that repels Lice. The girls need to keep their hair in pony tails or braids for school and sprayed before they walk out the door for the bus.  No problem, right??? Well, sure, as long as Mommy is around.  As Cassie begins to storm upstairs to wake me up at 7:30am (the day after I had the radio frequency ablation done on my back) to get her hair done, Mama stopped her "Cassie, don't wake Mommy! I can put your hair into a ponytail."  Cassie looked at her for a second, processing what she had just said, and then took a couple more steps towards my room, she was clearly in disbelief.  Mama stated "Cassie, please don't wake her, watch, I can do this!" as she proceeded to grab Brooklyn's hair and form a disorganized ponytail in the back of her head.  "See, no problem."  Well, it may not have been the neatest or the most organized ponytail, but it was in fact a ponytail, and for all intensive purposes, it would do.  Cassie gave in; handed Mama the pony holder and held her breath.  Mama was even good enough to remember that all three kids needed to get sprayed with Lice Repelling Leave In Conditioner, crisis averted, and Mommy was still sleeping in, recovering from her back procedure.

It does sort of crack me up how the kids know which one of us is better at certain things.  Math homework goes to Dawn.  Art projects come to me.  Sporting issues, Dawn.  Drama on the bus, Me.  (Personally I'd like to give that one up).  Either way, they have found our strong suits, more or less, on their own, which is pretty darn impressive.   Both of us completely agree that they are growing up way too fast, especially as we have had the opportunity now to revisit what I had posted in the beginning years.  The reminder of what happened almost daily, it seems like forever ago, yet it was only a few years ago. We truly have seen every bit of the quote:

"The days go by slowly but the years go by quickly"

Hey, it's a ponytail, no one said it had to be neat!!!

Welcome to 2014.....

It's really 2014?

2014.... I just logged into the blog to find my last post.  Yup, February, 2010.  The twins were 2.  Cassie was 4.  That seems like light years ago.

Enough has changed in my life to make me realize even more that I don't want to miss a moment.  I don't want to forget the little things.  I always want to remember those funny times, the instances when words came out wrong, when new memories were made, when a triumph happened.  But, we already are.  I have already missed 4 years of writing down random things that I know that I won't remember.  Not because I don't want to, not because they aren't important enough, but simply because there just isn't enough room in this old brain of mine.

Old brain.... yup.... that's where some of this is headed.  Not that 40 is 'old.'  (Well, that depends on what generation you talk to).  I remember the year I turned 30 - Dawn took me to New Orleans for the women's final four.  I couldn't wait to turn 30!  It was like the right of passage, I was finally an adult (kinda), I was the last one of the crew to be in my 30's, I was excited, it was awesome!  And, amazingly, 10 years has gone by rather quickly, and left me feeling, well, old(er).

I am sure that as the next couple of months unfold, I will start to post more and more about what has brought me back to the blog (its more than just remembering the little things), I don't want this first post to be 15 pages long.  But the painful events of 2013 have lead me to understand that it is time for me to look at the beauty that I have in my four walls and to build on that strength every day and use that strength to put my physical self and mental self back together again.  2014 can be great if I want it to be.

Someday I want to be able to look back and read this blog and remember all of those moments that I can't, all of those amazing times, the laughter and the tears, and feel like I am reliving it all over again.

Here is to the new beginning..... welcome to 2014.